The next phase of my life is intentional and full of meaning, shaped by stories of transformation and inspired by moments that spark gratitude. It may be deeply personal, but many of those moments are love letters to God. I’ve thought carefully about what I’m building, and nothing moves, changes, or inspires me like my walk of faith. My journey is unique—I wasn’t born this way—but I strive daily to be a “good daughter” and a faithful steward of my freedom.
There were times when money was tight, yet those seasons brought the best holidays ever. There were moments I thought anger would consume me, but I ended up laughing instead. Life keeps getting better. Every day brings challenges, but they’re worth facing. When I say “thank you for your support,” I mean it. Even in the darkest times, I can look back and feel the love. If you’re in a dark place, hold on—just for one more day. Find one thing to be thankful for. Gratitude brings blessings, and those blessings are for everyone. No storm lasts forever; eventually, the rain has to stop.
So maybe when you lay your head down to sleep whisper Jeova Es Mi Pastor and know that you are loved. That is why I created “Your Cross Is Your Crown.” It is. The thing that seems like it is too much to bear is the very thing you will bring in the light.
“An Invocation for Balance, Courage, and Love in Leadership”
We are living in a provisional stage. The ground is shifting, the veil is lifted, and the call is clear: leadership must be reimagined—not as domination, but as stewardship. The cross we carry is not defeat. It is the crown of responsibility, humility, and love.
This is my invocation, my prayer, my offering: May those in power bow to the work of right balance and visionary stewardship. May they be endowed with courage when action is required, and with humility when it is time to listen, support, or stand down. May leaders who have sworn the oath of right action become teachers of a new standard of life. May those who struggle to see, see clearly, and grant themselves grace for the deceptions they once believed. May forgiveness take root in every heart. May men and women alike recognize one another as brethren in the fight for equanimity and humanity’s rightful standing. May false notions of correctness collapse before truth. May abundance be revealed as the true inheritance of all. Let love be the standard bearer, not fear, not scarcity, not pride. For God’s spirit is love, not endless pain. And when suffering is endured in God, it is not suffering at all, but glory— a strengthening, a calling fulfilled. The cross is your crown. The burden is the blessing. The trial is the testimony. The stewardship is the light.
My favorite thing about myself is that I can stick and move and it’s natural. I am resilient. I have something innate that doesn’t totally deplete my hope and faith in the fact that I will recover from tragedies and traumas. As long as I wake up each day, I have another chance to get it right. I can live my purpose. My joy is similar to what I read about when I read about the martyrs and saints. I lament and then I somehow see a silver lining. There’s always a silver lining, you just have to find it.
As a youth, I took it for granted. As an adult, I am grateful to have it. But I have also learned not everyone does. The area where I am growing is within the understanding that even if someone is not skipping down the street and smiling all the time, it doesn’t make them necessarily problematic. It makes them human.
A large shift in my life came after I had children. I felt like I lived in a way that crossed all t’s and dotted all i’s and a large amount of adversity kept stealing my joy. It took me a moment, but I finally learned that there are things I can’t control. It may not even be personal. When I lost the stability of family, that thrust me into a next level of consciousness. It’s like the book of Job,” what I feared the most came upon me.” Forget what I truly felt inside. But the irrational fear of a great many things came upon me. What I discovered is that on the other side of fear, rejection and failure, is actually liberating. It is the living breathing serenity prayer. It is the strength to live unabashedly, and the knowing that when storms come, somehow, you’ll get through them.
When I was going through emotional changes in high school my parents used to always tell me that Marvin Winans line, “Ain’t no need to worry what tomorrow is going to bring. It’ll be all over in the morning.”
So, I’m proud that even if I am buying one tomato, one package of bread, one pound of fish, one pair of shoes at a time–I’m glad I can. I just try to make the best out of every situation and be glad doing it. Protect your peace. Prepare new paths. Stay on purpose.
I remember the first time I got married, and the very exciting yet awkward day after. Although there hasn’t been a second time yet, I like to think of the first time. Before I’d gotten married I thought that there was something major that happened in order to get there. Basically, you can say “I do,” and head on out to Chick-fil-A if you wanted to. It’s really that simple, you just need to complete the paperwork. Although my mother and stepfather had been married for 20 years, I had no inside track on the mechanics of a relationship. In fact, their marriage was sadly ending, as mine was beginning. Fortunately, they remain good friends.
I am a person that is wired for optimism. I am always hopeful and full of belief that someone or somewhere out there, things will look up for us all. I write these things, while existing in some challenging times in my own life–but I still believe in the promises of goodness. I believe them even more today when I see the miracle of compassion that has been transforming on the inside of me.
The first time I got married it was at a bed and breakfast in Baltimore County. It was a small wedding, and the wedding package included a honeymoon suite with a ginormous hot tub. This was a shotgun wedding from the standpoint of me being three months pregnant. But, we knew at the time we wanted to get married. By the time we got to that room after saying “I do” something strange happened. I felt like I was looking at my husband for the first time, and I also felt like I had married someone else’s husband. The latter is a feeling I never was able to shake. Now that I am fully invested in healing work, spiritual education, and the practical and sacred spiritual life of women and families–I understand these thoughts often have legitimacy. Also, for the sake of this conversation, we should understand that some ties are spiritual, not necessarily physical. However, the day after my wedding I was expecting to do something. I felt like I should be doing something, when what I needed to be was still. I never quite shook that feeling either. I believe that comes from lack of understanding of womanhood, and a practical understanding of the spiritual nature of the male and female relationship.
I have often said that, the ministry of mom is very different than the ministry of wife. Unfortunately, they don’t often mesh well at the same time. This is often why relationships end in divorce during those stressful toddler years. A person can’t serve two masters. This is even sometimes why a second marriage may prove more successful than the first, because the stressors may not be there. However, I know that within some communities, there is still lots of work that needs to be done when it comes to positively building relationships not built on dogma or trauma. My love mantra for anyone is, be with whoever is the best fit for you. Whoever gives you the peace you desire, whoever makes you feel seen and accepted, whoever feels like they are for you and not against you–make your allegiance to that person. Cultivate a safe haven of happiness for yourself. Don’t suffer in silence.
In 2019, I actually stopped gossiping and denounced Babylon. For me, that simply meant living by truth, not by a lie. When I stopped gossiping, just about everyone I knew fell off. I never said, “I don’t gossip” I just stopped or changed the subject. Additionally the ringing of my phone also stopped. No one close to me took that proclamation seriously, and that’s okay. It was a hard right turn onto a path that would ultimately pave the way for my life’s purpose. Here I am today, five years later, still on my journey. As a woman who also considers herself to be a divine feminine, not in the sense of popular culture, but as one close to the will of my Creator. For me, divinity works from the inside to the outside. When I am called to shift an environment, or embody the spirit of the Proverbs 31 woman, while still being who I am in the world, that comes from spiritual discipline. Life is going to life, and it has taken a long time to become the steady boat on rocky waters.
The work within me is not over. It will never be over until I take my last breath. I know at any moment, I can be a mess, but I bounce back very quickly. See, I have come a long way from needing validation like I did on day one of my wedding night. I wanted to be a perfect wife out the gate and that desire caused me to often fall short of that goal. We can’t make smart decisions and choices in desperation.
Someone recently said to me, “never let anyone take away your shine.” I pass that on to you. We are designed to be the light of the world and therefore we need to make our main love a vertical love first. When that love is addressed, you will have what you need to face the day. With that understanding, you won’t feel a desire to be anything other than joy, peace, love and sometimes enraged if it comes to that. But, you will sure bounce back as long as you are connected to the Light and maintaining that shine. Looking back on the innocence of my first day of my marriage it makes me smile. It was a moment of firsts that can’t be replicated and I look on it fondly. I was 100% open, innocent, and believing. Through out the tough times, I like to reach back for that hopeful woman and continue to bring the beauty of her heart forward. You should try that too.
If you would like a nice mediation music to bring peace to your day, here is one to help heal those memories and wounds.
What is one thing you would change about yourself?
There is really only one thing I would change about myself and it revolves around my loyalties. Throughout my life I have struggled with engaging in relationships, and even jobs until the point of catastrophe. Although I know that after every catastrophe of some kind immediate blessing appears after, I still seem to take my time making decisions. That’s because if there’s a catastrophic moment allowed to enter my life, I know it’s for a reason.
Life Is Too Short Too Be Unhappy, Is it?
I wrote an article about life decisions the other day and posted it on Nextdoor, and someone commented that life was too short to be unhappy. I remember thinking is that true? In my mind that is an oversimplistic way of looking at life. Think about it, just because you rid yourself of one area of unhappiness doesn’t mean that another is not going to pop up later down the line. Unhappiness, just like happiness, is forever. Ultimately happiness is a choice and it is controlled by you. Now, there are situations where people can disrupt and systematically try to dismantle your happiness and decisions need to be made about it. All the decisions involve a level of detachment, and that is where my pontification comes in. When is it time to reconsider your loyalties and embark on the next phase of your journey? For the most part, life tends to move along for me from glory to glory. However, in the rare moments when tragedy hits, I know it’s time get off the fence. When my steady boat threatens to capsize, I know the only thing that will get me through is faith and loyalty to whatever I hear from God.
This past year my spiritual journey has unearthed a lot about my strengths and weaknesses. It allowed me to see how I put others before myself, and how they would like to see me put myself first. Believe it or not, I have put myself first but it still looks like putting other people first at times. In many ways, that’s most of us–we are simply caring individuals. Maybe that’s just how my life is designed. I am created to inspire.
In the past I allowed so many people to keep the energy and gift of inspiration in small group. But, I noticed that my spirit was calling me out the group. I was feeling a desire to spread my own wings and fly. I believed then, and still believe now, that all things ultimately work for my good. Even in the toughest of times and sometimes especially in the toughest of times. Like you, I’m a person that at one moment I think I have a part of my journey that is so compelling than another thing hits me before I can even tell how I was delivered from my past. Through it all, the worst thing has been meeting so many emotional vampires– but I now know that I’m the only one with the power to change that trajectory. The change comes with the consideration of my loyalties. Wherever I go, I take the crux of who I am with me, because it belongs to me. Just as the essence of you belongs to you, and you can always call back your power when necessary.
Loyal To God
This past year has caused me to rise up in my life and take the drivers wheel in a firm way. It was initiated by a consecration I did to The Virgin Mary last year. After I completed this consecration, I began to see life with new eyes. I saw that due to my rose colored glasses I was missing a lot of important things in life. I was missing important moments. I was missing hidden truths, and I was missing myself. When we are loyal to God we get the ultimate gift of being reconciled with spirit and with ourselves. It is a level of divinity that brings about continued happiness.
When I reflect on 2024, that will be my greatest gift, that of spiritual growth and finding myself again. It has been a journey of discovering all the things I love, and removing all the things I can live without.
Loyalty to the wrongs things, and to severely broken things, can cause you to become despondent and stagnant. I don’t think that is God’s best for our lives. I remember going through a great deal of emotional stress that caused me to shut down and become numb. Numbness is one of the worst things you can feel. Especially if you are like me and you understand that life is a gift. Going numb is dangerous. Thankfully I am not numb today, yoga and art helped a lot with that. But the interesting thing about that time is I had a memory that crossed my mind like a beam of light. I had a memory of eating pizza with my friends. It had been so long since I’d done anything fun that the memory of me having fun was lost. I know that is a direct correlation to negative soul ties and negative relationships.
For many Christians we take a lot. There is a false teaching somewhere that makes it seem like we need to be the wastelands of the lost and it’s not true. When God says he cares, you are counted in that grace. You are designed for glory and happiness. The thing I had to retrain myself to remember is that God is the savior, not me. My job is to keep my soul in alignment to my calling and pray for others on theirs.
You may say, what if I am married to that person? I’d say especially if you are married to that person. You need to pray for them, but your loyalty is to whatever He is calling you to do. Too often in our lives we are tied to situations we should have never been in because we leaned into our own understanding then we need God to get us out.
If you are called to move across country, start a new endeavor, leave a friend or family member behind —be obedient. If you are called to stay, do that too. Obedience is always better than the false sacrifices we tend to make. Sometimes loyalty has an end and possibly a new beginning. For me, I have undergone such a significant spiritual change that I no longer resonate with a great many things. It’s now time to make new plans, alliances, dreams, and memories. Not out hate for the past, or a lack of loyalty but out of a hunger for the future and a renewed relationship with God.
So when anyone asks where my loyalties lie, there’s your answer.
I woke up this morning with hearing the saying, “After you’ve done all you can, you just stand.” After I heard that, I felt a peace wash over me. Some may or may not know, but I am an intercessor and I proudly stand in the gap for others who cannot pray for themselves. That is all of us some time.
In these days and times that feel very tense, and like we are having a battle between true and false, and light and dark–after we plead our case, it is time to stand. The world right now seems to be fueled by anger. There is a desperate need to stir up a hatred so palpable that if we succumb to this void, it will overtake us. There is a general belief that the truth rings true, and if it does, we don’t need to be cajoled within an inch of our life to receive it. However, there is nothing that we can do about the heaviness that exists. It is by design and has existed from the foundation of the world in an effort to steal your joy, faith, peace, and ultimately your hope. Anger robs us of the promise of happiness and cloaks our inner child with disbelief and agitation. Once this happens, we lack the ability to forgive. Forgiveness is a major conduit of change and transformational energy. It is of the highest vibration we lay hold of when we are able to forgive. When you forgive those who have wronged you, you are rewarded with a gift of youth and vitality because you have made your heavenly Father proud.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
It is not easy to forgive. This is I know. If it is easy intellectually, we know that healing takes time. But when I really feel stuck, I like to look at my children who sometimes fight like cats and dogs but they could never be apart from each other. Even though my daughter knows that her brother is going to say something mean or do something mean, it never kills her desire to love him. I lived like that for a long time. In many ways I still do. It’s only when my ego kicks in and I worry about looking like a fool or being mistreated do I go down the rabbit hole of hypotheticals and scenarios of what could be instead of what has typically been–God’s protection, grace, and favor over my life.
“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven” Luke 6:37
We often forget that everything is actually working in our favor. Every setback, every situation, and burden is strengthening our resolve to surrender. We know that sometimes forgiveness feels like a tall order, but that’s why Lamentations was written, every know and then we are going to complain. That’s ok. But, if you want to experience true freedom, true joy, then you must forgive. It has a way of lightening your spirit and allowing laughter to come in. When laughter comes in, you aren’t taking yourself so seriously. When you stop being so serious you can connect with your inner child and see the good in others. If you are guilty of wearing rose colored glasses, well, I’ m inclined to believe that you still made it out of your past situations ok.
Confession
I am a believer in going to confession. I go once a month and each time I go, I try to go deeper into identifying what my issues and faults are against others. Almost all of them are rooted in pride or unforgiveness and the absolution redirects me towards family time. We have to be thankful for our families. Everything that we are doing is about family. I am a big kid at heart so I play too much with my kids. I like to scare them or roll around my house chasing them. I like to dance and sing loud and laugh. All of these things keep me happy, youthful and young. It also shows my kids that there is a contrast to my seriousness and that I am learning and growing too. If you feel you need permission to enjoy yourself or be a kid at heart, take this as confirmation. Go do something you used to love to do. Get some friends together or go roller-skating. Whatever you do, enjoy your life. It is a gift.
“For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything” Hebrews 3:4
Growing up, I moved around a lot, and I always dreaded the question “Where are you from?” I never stayed in one place too long while growing up, so the question often threw me off. Many people identify home with a person or believe home is where they were born, but for me, home is wherever I am.
In our world, we get so caught up with “repping” things, and in many ways, these conventions are things that can weigh us down and keep us from taking flight in life and enjoying what the world has to offer. For me, life is about taking in as many experiences as possible and making memories, and for a while, I have enjoyed making those memories from home.
When my personal space is tranquil and filled with delicious seasonal smells and laughter from loved ones, I feel like the wealthiest person in the world. If you follow me on social media, every now and then I will mention my love for snacks. In my household, snacks are a big part of making any home feel comfortable, and I go on a snack run daily.
“Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty” John :35
In my past, I was known for going out regularly and I enjoyed every minute of it. However, once I settled in and became a mom, I started to relish my home life. Home is the one place that I consider to be a buffer to the outside world. Throughout my life, I looked for comfort outside, but that was because my living spaces were not comfortable enough. I didn’t invest enough in my living spaces because I always had my eyes on my future home. I was more focused on my future living spaces instead of tending to the present living space that I was so fortunate to have. However, once I made the small shift in my mentality to focus on what I had been given stewardship over, my living space began to transform. I began to think less about getting my artwork into a gallery or a show, and more about showcasing my work in my home. I thought less about going to the latest restaurants and tried my hand at recreating some of my favorite takeout meals and got quite good at it.
Now, it seems like my homecooked food is the better option because of the freshness and love I put into it. When I transformed my mentality, not only did my home transform, but the things I wanted to manifest outside of it were coming into fruition. This is called being a good steward of what we are blessed to have, and the reward is abundance. In many ways, our homes are a reflection of who we are spiritually and how we view the world. While I am imperfect and fall short of my goals sometimes in my inner and outer sanctums, I strive to build my foundation on solid ground. In doing so, home is wherever I am. If it is not in the condition I desire, then I know it is within me to make it what I desire.
The spirit of the Divine resides in my heart, and I know that I am empowered to create beauty all around me, no matter what the circumstance. Wherever the Lord is, my home is, and I know it is well. So if you get around me and feel comfortable—that is what you are feeling. You are feeling the love and peace of home, and that makes me happy.
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