What is one thing you would change about yourself?
There is really only one thing I would change about myself and it revolves around my loyalties. Throughout my life I have struggled with engaging in relationships, and even jobs until the point of catastrophe. Although I know that after every catastrophe of some kind immediate blessing appears after, I still seem to take my time making decisions. That’s because if there’s a catastrophic moment allowed to enter my life, I know it’s for a reason.
Life Is Too Short Too Be Unhappy, Is it?
I wrote an article about life decisions the other day and posted it on Nextdoor, and someone commented that life was too short to be unhappy. I remember thinking is that true? In my mind that is an oversimplistic way of looking at life. Think about it, just because you rid yourself of one area of unhappiness doesn’t mean that another is not going to pop up later down the line. Unhappiness, just like happiness, is forever. Ultimately happiness is a choice and it is controlled by you. Now, there are situations where people can disrupt and systematically try to dismantle your happiness and decisions need to be made about it. All the decisions involve a level of detachment, and that is where my pontification comes in. When is it time to reconsider your loyalties and embark on the next phase of your journey? For the most part, life tends to move along for me from glory to glory. However, in the rare moments when tragedy hits, I know it’s time get off the fence. When my steady boat threatens to capsize, I know the only thing that will get me through is faith and loyalty to whatever I hear from God.
This past year my spiritual journey has unearthed a lot about my strengths and weaknesses. It allowed me to see how I put others before myself, and how they would like to see me put myself first. Believe it or not, I have put myself first but it still looks like putting other people first at times. In many ways, that’s most of us–we are simply caring individuals. Maybe that’s just how my life is designed. I am created to inspire.
In the past I allowed so many people to keep the energy and gift of inspiration in small group. But, I noticed that my spirit was calling me out the group. I was feeling a desire to spread my own wings and fly. I believed then, and still believe now, that all things ultimately work for my good. Even in the toughest of times and sometimes especially in the toughest of times. Like you, I’m a person that at one moment I think I have a part of my journey that is so compelling than another thing hits me before I can even tell how I was delivered from my past. Through it all, the worst thing has been meeting so many emotional vampires– but I now know that I’m the only one with the power to change that trajectory. The change comes with the consideration of my loyalties. Wherever I go, I take the crux of who I am with me, because it belongs to me. Just as the essence of you belongs to you, and you can always call back your power when necessary.
Loyal To God
This past year has caused me to rise up in my life and take the drivers wheel in a firm way. It was initiated by a consecration I did to The Virgin Mary last year. After I completed this consecration, I began to see life with new eyes. I saw that due to my rose colored glasses I was missing a lot of important things in life. I was missing important moments. I was missing hidden truths, and I was missing myself. When we are loyal to God we get the ultimate gift of being reconciled with spirit and with ourselves. It is a level of divinity that brings about continued happiness.
When I reflect on 2024, that will be my greatest gift, that of spiritual growth and finding myself again. It has been a journey of discovering all the things I love, and removing all the things I can live without.
Loyalty to the wrongs things, and to severely broken things, can cause you to become despondent and stagnant. I don’t think that is God’s best for our lives. I remember going through a great deal of emotional stress that caused me to shut down and become numb. Numbness is one of the worst things you can feel. Especially if you are like me and you understand that life is a gift. Going numb is dangerous. Thankfully I am not numb today, yoga and art helped a lot with that. But the interesting thing about that time is I had a memory that crossed my mind like a beam of light. I had a memory of eating pizza with my friends. It had been so long since I’d done anything fun that the memory of me having fun was lost. I know that is a direct correlation to negative soul ties and negative relationships.
For many Christians we take a lot. There is a false teaching somewhere that makes it seem like we need to be the wastelands of the lost and it’s not true. When God says he cares, you are counted in that grace. You are designed for glory and happiness. The thing I had to retrain myself to remember is that God is the savior, not me. My job is to keep my soul in alignment to my calling and pray for others on theirs.
You may say, what if I am married to that person? I’d say especially if you are married to that person. You need to pray for them, but your loyalty is to whatever He is calling you to do. Too often in our lives we are tied to situations we should have never been in because we leaned into our own understanding then we need God to get us out.
If you are called to move across country, start a new endeavor, leave a friend or family member behind —be obedient. If you are called to stay, do that too. Obedience is always better than the false sacrifices we tend to make. Sometimes loyalty has an end and possibly a new beginning. For me, I have undergone such a significant spiritual change that I no longer resonate with a great many things. It’s now time to make new plans, alliances, dreams, and memories. Not out hate for the past, or a lack of loyalty but out of a hunger for the future and a renewed relationship with God.
So when anyone asks where my loyalties lie, there’s your answer.
