The next phase of my life is intentional and full of meaning, shaped by stories of transformation and inspired by moments that spark gratitude. It may be deeply personal, but many of those moments are love letters to God. I’ve thought carefully about what I’m building, and nothing moves, changes, or inspires me like my walk of faith. My journey is unique—I wasn’t born this way—but I strive daily to be a “good daughter” and a faithful steward of my freedom.
There were times when money was tight, yet those seasons brought the best holidays ever. There were moments I thought anger would consume me, but I ended up laughing instead. Life keeps getting better. Every day brings challenges, but they’re worth facing. When I say “thank you for your support,” I mean it. Even in the darkest times, I can look back and feel the love. If you’re in a dark place, hold on—just for one more day. Find one thing to be thankful for. Gratitude brings blessings, and those blessings are for everyone. No storm lasts forever; eventually, the rain has to stop.
So maybe when you lay your head down to sleep whisper Jeova Es Mi Pastor and know that you are loved. That is why I created “Your Cross Is Your Crown.” It is. The thing that seems like it is too much to bear is the very thing you will bring in the light.
My favorite thing about myself is that I can stick and move and it’s natural. I am resilient. I have something innate that doesn’t totally deplete my hope and faith in the fact that I will recover from tragedies and traumas. As long as I wake up each day, I have another chance to get it right. I can live my purpose. My joy is similar to what I read about when I read about the martyrs and saints. I lament and then I somehow see a silver lining. There’s always a silver lining, you just have to find it.
As a youth, I took it for granted. As an adult, I am grateful to have it. But I have also learned not everyone does. The area where I am growing is within the understanding that even if someone is not skipping down the street and smiling all the time, it doesn’t make them necessarily problematic. It makes them human.
A large shift in my life came after I had children. I felt like I lived in a way that crossed all t’s and dotted all i’s and a large amount of adversity kept stealing my joy. It took me a moment, but I finally learned that there are things I can’t control. It may not even be personal. When I lost the stability of family, that thrust me into a next level of consciousness. It’s like the book of Job,” what I feared the most came upon me.” Forget what I truly felt inside. But the irrational fear of a great many things came upon me. What I discovered is that on the other side of fear, rejection and failure, is actually liberating. It is the living breathing serenity prayer. It is the strength to live unabashedly, and the knowing that when storms come, somehow, you’ll get through them.
When I was going through emotional changes in high school my parents used to always tell me that Marvin Winans line, “Ain’t no need to worry what tomorrow is going to bring. It’ll be all over in the morning.”
So, I’m proud that even if I am buying one tomato, one package of bread, one pound of fish, one pair of shoes at a time–I’m glad I can. I just try to make the best out of every situation and be glad doing it. Protect your peace. Prepare new paths. Stay on purpose.
What is one thing you would change about yourself?
There is really only one thing I would change about myself and it revolves around my loyalties. Throughout my life I have struggled with engaging in relationships, and even jobs until the point of catastrophe. Although I know that after every catastrophe of some kind immediate blessing appears after, I still seem to take my time making decisions. That’s because if there’s a catastrophic moment allowed to enter my life, I know it’s for a reason.
Life Is Too Short Too Be Unhappy, Is it?
I wrote an article about life decisions the other day and posted it on Nextdoor, and someone commented that life was too short to be unhappy. I remember thinking is that true? In my mind that is an oversimplistic way of looking at life. Think about it, just because you rid yourself of one area of unhappiness doesn’t mean that another is not going to pop up later down the line. Unhappiness, just like happiness, is forever. Ultimately happiness is a choice and it is controlled by you. Now, there are situations where people can disrupt and systematically try to dismantle your happiness and decisions need to be made about it. All the decisions involve a level of detachment, and that is where my pontification comes in. When is it time to reconsider your loyalties and embark on the next phase of your journey? For the most part, life tends to move along for me from glory to glory. However, in the rare moments when tragedy hits, I know it’s time get off the fence. When my steady boat threatens to capsize, I know the only thing that will get me through is faith and loyalty to whatever I hear from God.
This past year my spiritual journey has unearthed a lot about my strengths and weaknesses. It allowed me to see how I put others before myself, and how they would like to see me put myself first. Believe it or not, I have put myself first but it still looks like putting other people first at times. In many ways, that’s most of us–we are simply caring individuals. Maybe that’s just how my life is designed. I am created to inspire.
In the past I allowed so many people to keep the energy and gift of inspiration in small group. But, I noticed that my spirit was calling me out the group. I was feeling a desire to spread my own wings and fly. I believed then, and still believe now, that all things ultimately work for my good. Even in the toughest of times and sometimes especially in the toughest of times. Like you, I’m a person that at one moment I think I have a part of my journey that is so compelling than another thing hits me before I can even tell how I was delivered from my past. Through it all, the worst thing has been meeting so many emotional vampires– but I now know that I’m the only one with the power to change that trajectory. The change comes with the consideration of my loyalties. Wherever I go, I take the crux of who I am with me, because it belongs to me. Just as the essence of you belongs to you, and you can always call back your power when necessary.
Loyal To God
This past year has caused me to rise up in my life and take the drivers wheel in a firm way. It was initiated by a consecration I did to The Virgin Mary last year. After I completed this consecration, I began to see life with new eyes. I saw that due to my rose colored glasses I was missing a lot of important things in life. I was missing important moments. I was missing hidden truths, and I was missing myself. When we are loyal to God we get the ultimate gift of being reconciled with spirit and with ourselves. It is a level of divinity that brings about continued happiness.
When I reflect on 2024, that will be my greatest gift, that of spiritual growth and finding myself again. It has been a journey of discovering all the things I love, and removing all the things I can live without.
Loyalty to the wrongs things, and to severely broken things, can cause you to become despondent and stagnant. I don’t think that is God’s best for our lives. I remember going through a great deal of emotional stress that caused me to shut down and become numb. Numbness is one of the worst things you can feel. Especially if you are like me and you understand that life is a gift. Going numb is dangerous. Thankfully I am not numb today, yoga and art helped a lot with that. But the interesting thing about that time is I had a memory that crossed my mind like a beam of light. I had a memory of eating pizza with my friends. It had been so long since I’d done anything fun that the memory of me having fun was lost. I know that is a direct correlation to negative soul ties and negative relationships.
For many Christians we take a lot. There is a false teaching somewhere that makes it seem like we need to be the wastelands of the lost and it’s not true. When God says he cares, you are counted in that grace. You are designed for glory and happiness. The thing I had to retrain myself to remember is that God is the savior, not me. My job is to keep my soul in alignment to my calling and pray for others on theirs.
You may say, what if I am married to that person? I’d say especially if you are married to that person. You need to pray for them, but your loyalty is to whatever He is calling you to do. Too often in our lives we are tied to situations we should have never been in because we leaned into our own understanding then we need God to get us out.
If you are called to move across country, start a new endeavor, leave a friend or family member behind —be obedient. If you are called to stay, do that too. Obedience is always better than the false sacrifices we tend to make. Sometimes loyalty has an end and possibly a new beginning. For me, I have undergone such a significant spiritual change that I no longer resonate with a great many things. It’s now time to make new plans, alliances, dreams, and memories. Not out hate for the past, or a lack of loyalty but out of a hunger for the future and a renewed relationship with God.
So when anyone asks where my loyalties lie, there’s your answer.
I woke up this morning with hearing the saying, “After you’ve done all you can, you just stand.” After I heard that, I felt a peace wash over me. Some may or may not know, but I am an intercessor and I proudly stand in the gap for others who cannot pray for themselves. That is all of us some time.
In these days and times that feel very tense, and like we are having a battle between true and false, and light and dark–after we plead our case, it is time to stand. The world right now seems to be fueled by anger. There is a desperate need to stir up a hatred so palpable that if we succumb to this void, it will overtake us. There is a general belief that the truth rings true, and if it does, we don’t need to be cajoled within an inch of our life to receive it. However, there is nothing that we can do about the heaviness that exists. It is by design and has existed from the foundation of the world in an effort to steal your joy, faith, peace, and ultimately your hope. Anger robs us of the promise of happiness and cloaks our inner child with disbelief and agitation. Once this happens, we lack the ability to forgive. Forgiveness is a major conduit of change and transformational energy. It is of the highest vibration we lay hold of when we are able to forgive. When you forgive those who have wronged you, you are rewarded with a gift of youth and vitality because you have made your heavenly Father proud.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
It is not easy to forgive. This is I know. If it is easy intellectually, we know that healing takes time. But when I really feel stuck, I like to look at my children who sometimes fight like cats and dogs but they could never be apart from each other. Even though my daughter knows that her brother is going to say something mean or do something mean, it never kills her desire to love him. I lived like that for a long time. In many ways I still do. It’s only when my ego kicks in and I worry about looking like a fool or being mistreated do I go down the rabbit hole of hypotheticals and scenarios of what could be instead of what has typically been–God’s protection, grace, and favor over my life.
“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven” Luke 6:37
We often forget that everything is actually working in our favor. Every setback, every situation, and burden is strengthening our resolve to surrender. We know that sometimes forgiveness feels like a tall order, but that’s why Lamentations was written, every know and then we are going to complain. That’s ok. But, if you want to experience true freedom, true joy, then you must forgive. It has a way of lightening your spirit and allowing laughter to come in. When laughter comes in, you aren’t taking yourself so seriously. When you stop being so serious you can connect with your inner child and see the good in others. If you are guilty of wearing rose colored glasses, well, I’ m inclined to believe that you still made it out of your past situations ok.
Confession
I am a believer in going to confession. I go once a month and each time I go, I try to go deeper into identifying what my issues and faults are against others. Almost all of them are rooted in pride or unforgiveness and the absolution redirects me towards family time. We have to be thankful for our families. Everything that we are doing is about family. I am a big kid at heart so I play too much with my kids. I like to scare them or roll around my house chasing them. I like to dance and sing loud and laugh. All of these things keep me happy, youthful and young. It also shows my kids that there is a contrast to my seriousness and that I am learning and growing too. If you feel you need permission to enjoy yourself or be a kid at heart, take this as confirmation. Go do something you used to love to do. Get some friends together or go roller-skating. Whatever you do, enjoy your life. It is a gift.
